Staff Perspective: Balancing Grief & Gratitude - A Gentle Reminder Check on Your Strong Friends Throughout the Holidays
December often evokes a sense of nostalgia, bringing with it cherished childhood memories of family, friends, abundant food, and holiday music, like hearing Silent Night by the Temptations on indefinite repeat. However, for others, the holiday season presents a painful contrast—a constant reminder of losses and distant voices reflecting what is no longer there.
As we navigate this season, it is essential to support our loved ones in delicately balancing their expressions of gratitude while simultaneously acknowledging their grief. So, how do we pay tribute to today without keeping people stuck in yesterday. There are probably one million remedies for this. But life experiences and wisdom have taught me a few tips to support those in need.
First, don’t assume that the holidays are a time of joy for everyone. In fact, those who have lost loved ones may find this time extremely difficult to navigate, especially if the loss is recent. It may be the first time a person has celebrated a holiday without their loved ones. Be gentle with your invitations. Ask, but don’t insist. They may not be ready to walk into the door just yet. As Regina King so eloquently described, “Grief is just love that has no place to go.” The reality is they may not have found their new place in the world just yet.
Secondly, understand that grief is a continual journey. While they may accept your invitation one minute. The next minute may present the smallest reminder that sets them back into a place of pain. If you notice the individual changed their mind, but just a few days ago, they were excited to be part of the festivities, don’t dive into a full-blown interrogation. It probably has nothing to do with you and everything to do with grief. Use this opportunity to practice patience and understanding.
For the person seeking to find gratitude through the teary lens of grief. Start small. Remind yourself of the tiniest reasons to be thankful. Take time to put your feet on the floor before you jump out of bed. Look around. Sit with yourself. As the church elders often say with such conviction, “He woke me up.” Some days, that will be enough to carry you through.
Additionally, acknowledge that you are hurting. This doesn’t mean you have to share your pain if you don’t want to. But be honest with yourself, by honoring your heart. Take scheduled time each day dedicated solely to your grief. Not too long though, just a few minutes will suffice. By doing this, you are learning to co-exist with your grief without letting your grief consume you. Some days, that will be enough to carry you through.
Finally, For every moment of grief you hold on to, grasp on to a moment of hope, a moment of light, a moment of just being. This will look different for everyone. For you, it may look like stepping outside and taking in a deep breath of fresh air. It could also look like a barely cracked smile after that corny joke your co-worker just told. Again, some days, that will be enough to carry you through.
Whether you are the person walking the tightrope of balancing grief and gratitude or the person balancing support for the griever. Remember, holidays can be painful reminders, but they can also be opportunities for new beginnings, new memories, new traditions, and sometimes that is what will carry you through.
The opinions in CDP Staff Perspective blogs are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Uniformed Services University of the Health Science or the Department of Defense.
Katrice Byrd, DSW, LCSW is a Military Social Worker with the Center for Deployment Psychology (CDP). She is co-chair of the North Carolina National Association of Social Worker’s Legislative Committee and is passionate about serving the village through research, policy, and programmatic changes.
December often evokes a sense of nostalgia, bringing with it cherished childhood memories of family, friends, abundant food, and holiday music, like hearing Silent Night by the Temptations on indefinite repeat. However, for others, the holiday season presents a painful contrast—a constant reminder of losses and distant voices reflecting what is no longer there.
As we navigate this season, it is essential to support our loved ones in delicately balancing their expressions of gratitude while simultaneously acknowledging their grief. So, how do we pay tribute to today without keeping people stuck in yesterday. There are probably one million remedies for this. But life experiences and wisdom have taught me a few tips to support those in need.
First, don’t assume that the holidays are a time of joy for everyone. In fact, those who have lost loved ones may find this time extremely difficult to navigate, especially if the loss is recent. It may be the first time a person has celebrated a holiday without their loved ones. Be gentle with your invitations. Ask, but don’t insist. They may not be ready to walk into the door just yet. As Regina King so eloquently described, “Grief is just love that has no place to go.” The reality is they may not have found their new place in the world just yet.
Secondly, understand that grief is a continual journey. While they may accept your invitation one minute. The next minute may present the smallest reminder that sets them back into a place of pain. If you notice the individual changed their mind, but just a few days ago, they were excited to be part of the festivities, don’t dive into a full-blown interrogation. It probably has nothing to do with you and everything to do with grief. Use this opportunity to practice patience and understanding.
For the person seeking to find gratitude through the teary lens of grief. Start small. Remind yourself of the tiniest reasons to be thankful. Take time to put your feet on the floor before you jump out of bed. Look around. Sit with yourself. As the church elders often say with such conviction, “He woke me up.” Some days, that will be enough to carry you through.
Additionally, acknowledge that you are hurting. This doesn’t mean you have to share your pain if you don’t want to. But be honest with yourself, by honoring your heart. Take scheduled time each day dedicated solely to your grief. Not too long though, just a few minutes will suffice. By doing this, you are learning to co-exist with your grief without letting your grief consume you. Some days, that will be enough to carry you through.
Finally, For every moment of grief you hold on to, grasp on to a moment of hope, a moment of light, a moment of just being. This will look different for everyone. For you, it may look like stepping outside and taking in a deep breath of fresh air. It could also look like a barely cracked smile after that corny joke your co-worker just told. Again, some days, that will be enough to carry you through.
Whether you are the person walking the tightrope of balancing grief and gratitude or the person balancing support for the griever. Remember, holidays can be painful reminders, but they can also be opportunities for new beginnings, new memories, new traditions, and sometimes that is what will carry you through.
The opinions in CDP Staff Perspective blogs are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Uniformed Services University of the Health Science or the Department of Defense.
Katrice Byrd, DSW, LCSW is a Military Social Worker with the Center for Deployment Psychology (CDP). She is co-chair of the North Carolina National Association of Social Worker’s Legislative Committee and is passionate about serving the village through research, policy, and programmatic changes.