I’m a military spouse—a dependent, as we are often referred to in the military community. That word frequently comes with a sting, implying passivity, lack of contribution, and sometimes even entitlement. But my story, like many others, is much more complex than being defined by a label.
As a military spouse, mother of three extraordinary military children, and researcher on military families, I know military families and children are resilient. Like many other military families, our story includes cross-country and global moves, navigating the emotional terrain of multiple deployments, making friends and moving away from them, and growing through it all. However, personally and through my research, I also know that resilience isn't an innate characteristic; it's a dynamic quality that is carefully cultivated.
When you’ve decided to officially share a life with someone, maybe through marriage, civil union, common law, or any other way, you may go into it with the assumption this is 50/50. This is a partnership where together we will put effort into building a life we love. Few of us have an outright conversation about expectations and roles, we just think, “I love this person and they love me and we will figure out our own way”.
Certain mottos stick with us from the moment we begin learning life skills. For me, one of the earliest was "be prepared," a principle I carried from my days as a Girl Scout into my military career. This motto emphasizes the importance of readiness and adaptability, key components of resilience.
At the beginning of my career as a mental health counselor, I worked primarily in school and community-based settings, focusing on the struggles and stressors experienced by military-connected students and their families. The work I did with young people was related to typical school-aged concerns, ranging from the mostly innocuous worries about an upcoming test or the severe struggles with bullying, suicidal thoughts and behaviors, and grief and loss. While working in the school system as a Military-Connected Student Support Specialist under a Department of Defense Educational Activities (DoDEA) grant, I had the opportunity to attend the Military Child Education Coalition (MCEC) Annual Conference for several years.