Staff Perspective: Cleats, Jerseys and “Kicking Balls” - Finding a Sense of Belonging
As Month of the Military Child (April) comes to an end and Military Spouse Appreciation (May) begins, I have been reflecting on my experience as a military spouse. The old adage, “it takes a village” comes to mind in relation to these experiences and how “my village” has helped me cope with the challenges of military life. With another pending PCS and not looking forward to the stress of moving, I take pause to appreciate the opportunities for new connections each duty station has brought. Research has shown service member retention is higher when their spouse feels supported, has a sense of belonging within the military community, and is satisfied with military life (Wang, et al., 2015; O’Neal, et a., 2020). From my experience, finding “my village” has become an important part of my military life to provide a sense of belonging and connect with others who understand.
I grew up near a military base and told myself “I would never marry military”. I learned “never to say never”, as I found myself some years later marrying a Marine. I joke that our start was the Marine Corps warning to young Marines of “what not to do”. A nine-month whirlwind of meeting, dating, engagement and marriage. This was accompanied by work-ups prior to our wedding and a departure for deployment roughly a week after we said “I do”. I was left in unfamiliar territory in my new role as a “military spouse” and uncertain how to navigate this first deployment. I not only needed support, but connection to others who understood what I was experiencing.
Randomly while on base, I overheard someone talking about kickball. I hadn’t played kickball since elementary school, but I was intrigued as to what “SLAKA” (Spouses Lejeune Area Kickball Association) was. I messaged to find out more and was connected to the team affiliated with my spouse’s unit- the Lady Spartans. I can remember showing up to that first practice and immediately feeling welcome. I made it through my first deployment as a military spouse and wore the neon pink and blue jersey for two seasons before we PCS’d. It was through this first encounter with other spouses in the kickball league that I found a sense of belonging within the military life. Five PCS and twelve kickball seasons later, I turned in my coach’s hat and rounded the bases with my “last kick”- still feeling that same sense of belonging as I had started with many years before.
To outsiders, a spouse kickball league may seem like a trivial pastime, but for myself (and most spouses who play), it was more than a pastime. The teams consisted of new and “seasoned” spouses, stay-at-home parents, career-driven individuals, those with/without kids, and active duty; all military spouses and all equally valued. We not only benefitted from having kickball as an outlet, it allowed us to build supportive relationships. These friendships/relationships provided a sense of belonging that extended far beyond the fields. Research on military culture has found that social support can moderate the impact of life stressors on family well-being by offsetting stress/strain (Verdeli, et al., 2011). Whether it was a deployment, planning for an upcoming PCS, or job searching (yet again), my teammates were able to share in these experiences from a place of mutual understanding and support. Both on and off the field my time with these amazing women helped me understand the resiliency developed through this lifestyle, but also how important it is for military spouses to have these relationships and networks to rely on.
Although my kickball days are on pause, I still have my cleats, jerseys and hoodies that serve as reminders of my fun-filled days “kicking balls”. More importantly, I have the memories and relationships that helped me find “my village” in this military life. The sense of belonging and the support I received over the seasons helped me to cope with the unique challenges military life brought. Who knows, I may still have a few more “kicks” in me. For now, I cherish my memories and have a deep appreciation for the military spouses who helped to create them.
*A special thanks to all the military spouses out there who continue to “kick it” and create a sense of belonging both on and off the field for military spouses.
The opinions in CDP Staff Perspective blogs are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Uniformed Services University of the Health Science or the Department of Defense.
Heather Tompkins, Ph.D, MS-ATR, LCMHC, is a Military Behavioral Health Psychologist with the Center for Deployment Psychology (CDP) at the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences in Bethesda, Maryland. In this role, she provides oversight and fosters collaboration for creative arts related research projects in partnership with the Defense Intrepid Network.
References
Green, S., Nurius, P., & Lester, P. (2013). Spouse psychological well-being: A keystone to military family
health. Journal of Human Behavior Social Environment, 23(6).
doi: 10.1080/10911359.2013.795068.
O’Neal, C., Richardson, E., & Mancini, J. (2020). Community, context, and coping: How social connections
influence coping and well-being for military members and their spouses. Family Process, 59(1), 158-172. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12395.
Verdeli H, Baily C, Vousoura W, Belser A, Singla D, Manos G. (2011). The case for treating depression in
military spouses. Journal of Family Psychology, 25(4):488–496. doi: 10.1037/a0024525.
Wang, M., Nyutu, P., Tran, K., & Spears, A. (2015). Finding resilience: The mediation effect of sense of
community on the psychological well-being of military spouses. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 37(2), 164-174.
As Month of the Military Child (April) comes to an end and Military Spouse Appreciation (May) begins, I have been reflecting on my experience as a military spouse. The old adage, “it takes a village” comes to mind in relation to these experiences and how “my village” has helped me cope with the challenges of military life. With another pending PCS and not looking forward to the stress of moving, I take pause to appreciate the opportunities for new connections each duty station has brought. Research has shown service member retention is higher when their spouse feels supported, has a sense of belonging within the military community, and is satisfied with military life (Wang, et al., 2015; O’Neal, et a., 2020). From my experience, finding “my village” has become an important part of my military life to provide a sense of belonging and connect with others who understand.
I grew up near a military base and told myself “I would never marry military”. I learned “never to say never”, as I found myself some years later marrying a Marine. I joke that our start was the Marine Corps warning to young Marines of “what not to do”. A nine-month whirlwind of meeting, dating, engagement and marriage. This was accompanied by work-ups prior to our wedding and a departure for deployment roughly a week after we said “I do”. I was left in unfamiliar territory in my new role as a “military spouse” and uncertain how to navigate this first deployment. I not only needed support, but connection to others who understood what I was experiencing.
Randomly while on base, I overheard someone talking about kickball. I hadn’t played kickball since elementary school, but I was intrigued as to what “SLAKA” (Spouses Lejeune Area Kickball Association) was. I messaged to find out more and was connected to the team affiliated with my spouse’s unit- the Lady Spartans. I can remember showing up to that first practice and immediately feeling welcome. I made it through my first deployment as a military spouse and wore the neon pink and blue jersey for two seasons before we PCS’d. It was through this first encounter with other spouses in the kickball league that I found a sense of belonging within the military life. Five PCS and twelve kickball seasons later, I turned in my coach’s hat and rounded the bases with my “last kick”- still feeling that same sense of belonging as I had started with many years before.
To outsiders, a spouse kickball league may seem like a trivial pastime, but for myself (and most spouses who play), it was more than a pastime. The teams consisted of new and “seasoned” spouses, stay-at-home parents, career-driven individuals, those with/without kids, and active duty; all military spouses and all equally valued. We not only benefitted from having kickball as an outlet, it allowed us to build supportive relationships. These friendships/relationships provided a sense of belonging that extended far beyond the fields. Research on military culture has found that social support can moderate the impact of life stressors on family well-being by offsetting stress/strain (Verdeli, et al., 2011). Whether it was a deployment, planning for an upcoming PCS, or job searching (yet again), my teammates were able to share in these experiences from a place of mutual understanding and support. Both on and off the field my time with these amazing women helped me understand the resiliency developed through this lifestyle, but also how important it is for military spouses to have these relationships and networks to rely on.
Although my kickball days are on pause, I still have my cleats, jerseys and hoodies that serve as reminders of my fun-filled days “kicking balls”. More importantly, I have the memories and relationships that helped me find “my village” in this military life. The sense of belonging and the support I received over the seasons helped me to cope with the unique challenges military life brought. Who knows, I may still have a few more “kicks” in me. For now, I cherish my memories and have a deep appreciation for the military spouses who helped to create them.
*A special thanks to all the military spouses out there who continue to “kick it” and create a sense of belonging both on and off the field for military spouses.
The opinions in CDP Staff Perspective blogs are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Uniformed Services University of the Health Science or the Department of Defense.
Heather Tompkins, Ph.D, MS-ATR, LCMHC, is a Military Behavioral Health Psychologist with the Center for Deployment Psychology (CDP) at the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences in Bethesda, Maryland. In this role, she provides oversight and fosters collaboration for creative arts related research projects in partnership with the Defense Intrepid Network.
References
Green, S., Nurius, P., & Lester, P. (2013). Spouse psychological well-being: A keystone to military family
health. Journal of Human Behavior Social Environment, 23(6).
doi: 10.1080/10911359.2013.795068.
O’Neal, C., Richardson, E., & Mancini, J. (2020). Community, context, and coping: How social connections
influence coping and well-being for military members and their spouses. Family Process, 59(1), 158-172. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12395.
Verdeli H, Baily C, Vousoura W, Belser A, Singla D, Manos G. (2011). The case for treating depression in
military spouses. Journal of Family Psychology, 25(4):488–496. doi: 10.1037/a0024525.
Wang, M., Nyutu, P., Tran, K., & Spears, A. (2015). Finding resilience: The mediation effect of sense of
community on the psychological well-being of military spouses. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 37(2), 164-174.